I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
