you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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