i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
