Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
