Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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