I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
