What a fucking waste of an outfit
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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