I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
