he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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