I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
