carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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