his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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