Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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