Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
