I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Be still, my beating vagina.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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