i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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