yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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