So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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