Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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