I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
