so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
