He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
