wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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