Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
