I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
