I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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