shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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