i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
