the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
