Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
