i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
