"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
