moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
