just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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