are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
