Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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