Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
