she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
