I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
