Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
