false alarm. still invincible.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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