On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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