I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
