Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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