thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
