first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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