Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
