at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
