I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
