Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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